Ninja Food
by Elle Mariet
Summary: CRACKF!C: Inuyasha returns from running an errand to unlikely surprises.


A/N: Before you freak out while reading this, WAIT UNTIL THE ENDING!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha.

...

Old Kaede was in need of a herb located in the village of Jinenji. A villager was ill and would surely die without the herb. Because it was such a distance away and she needed it immediately she sent Inuyasha to quickly retrieve it within an hour or two.

When Inuyasha returned that evening, just before dinner, he found Jaken sitting with Sango and Miroku in the hut.

"What the hell is _he_ doing here?" Inuyasha roared as he came in the hut and dropped the wrapped herbs on the floor.

"We traded Sesshomaru." Miroku said, sipping freshly made stew.

"Traded? Sesshomaru? Who?"

"Inuyasha, calm down." Sango said with a roll of her eyes. "Sesshomaru gets Shippo, we get Jaken. Fair trade."

"Fair trade? FAIR TRADE? Who the fuck's bright idea was this?"

"I believe it was Lord Sesshomaru." Jaken said, picking up the dropped herbs and handing them to Kaede, who was waiting for it in the doorway.

"I don't want no toad hanging around me! Get lost pipsqueak!" Inuyasha snorted as he kicked Jaken in the rear.

"Oh please, my master, don't throw me away. I can act like the kitsune and get you in trouble with Kagome!" Jaken pleaded, his beak trembling with fright before the angry Hanyou.

Before Inuyasha could respond Sango got up and headed for the for her hiraikotsu.

"Where are you going, Sango?" Inuyasha asked.

"To join Kouga and the wolf pack of course." Sango said matter-of-factly.

She was dressed in her battling uniform with Kirara at he side.

"WHAT? WHY? Miroku, do something!" Inuyasha panicked, not understanding what was going on.

"There's nothing to be done, let her go." Miroku said quietly from the corner. Not bothering to care.

"It's been a pleasure hanging around but your not succeeding in collecting any shards and I'm on a tight schedule. I need to be with someone who isn't dragging me down." Sango said before leaving the hut with her nose in the air.

Inuyasha was about to go after her when he smelled a familiar scent.

"Kagome's back! I have to tell her what's going on, she'll know what to do."

Inuyasha took off from the hut and started to run towards the well. As he ran he swore he saw Kikyou riding transformed Hatchi the raccoon dog in the sky. He skidded to a stop and lookd up in a daze. _Just what the hell was going on today?_ He wondered.

"Inuyasha, sit!" Kagome's spell echoed through the forest.

When Inuyasha managed to sit up he saw Kagome standing next to Totosai and his cow.

"What did ya do that for?" he snarled, trying to get up.

"Here," Kagome said as she threw him a little glass bottle. He caught it with ease. "Take these, I have no use for them anymore."

"Why the hell not, wench? What's going on?"

"I've done some thinking, and I'm sick of being played second to Kikyou. So I decided I need a real man - a man who will choose me above all the rest. A man who repects me and doesn't control me - Totosai."

Inuyasha started laughing. "Yeah, good one, Kagome. You almost had me. Is everyone playing a joke on me today? How'd you get Sesshomaru in on it? Tell him you'll give him the Tetsusaiga?"

"You don't believe me?" Kagome asked rhetorically before planting a big wet kiss on Totosai's dried up lips.

"What the fuck?" Inuyasha said as he choked out. He was going to kill Totosai.

"She's already pregnant - no hard feelings!" Totosai laughed as he and Kagome jumped on the cow and took off into the sky.

As she flew away Kagome held her middle finger up at Inuyasha and shot a saccred arrow into the sky.

"How could she?" Inuyasha hollered. "How could she take off with god damn Totosai?"

As he stumbled into the hut he didn't believe what all was happening; Shippo and Jaken trading places, Sango joining Kouga, Kagome falling in love with Totosai? It was all too much for the Hanyou.  
As he staggered in he looked at Miroku, the only one he had left. Maybe he could explain to Inuyasha what was going on. Then they would go after everyone else and drag them back if they had too..

Miroku looked up from fondling Jaken, "I'm gay."

Inuyasha awoke with a scream and fell out of his favorite sleeping tree. He was drenched in sweat and a cold shiver ran across his body as he sighed.

"That's the last time I'm eating ninja food before going to bed."


End file.
